To be buffeted by irrational thoughts is normal, and so is waking at 4am with wet eyes although you don't know why, and so is wondering what you could have done that might have made your life different.Oh - and so is being overwhelmed by elation at the sight of a field of poppies.You're an intelligent young woman and yet you use that word as if it were newly minted and not sullied by a million simplistic pop songs which make no distinction between 'lurrrve' and lust.
Dear Bel, I have recently discovered that my ex-husband died in tragic circumstances a while ago. I left him after years of physical and mental abuse, which consisted of systematic torture and humiliation - and resulted in the total loss of my confidence.You should be in education; instead you're mooching about feeling depressed and frustrating your parents. If this man had any sense of responsibility and decency at all, he would buy you an air ticket and actually drive you to the airport before wiping away your tears as he says goodbye, wishing you fun and freedom.Sooner or later he will tire of you and your moans and (terrified of his wife finding out) end it. If he cares at all the greatest gift he will give you (and are you reading, too, Sir?I love this wonderful man, too - when I'm with him I feel so complete. I'd planned to go to university, but decided not to bother because I felt too depressed and unstable to contemplate study.I hope to go next year, but I worry that I've consigned myself to yet another year with him and will feel worse and worse. I've watched my friends move away to uni, and they have made new friends and are having the time of their lives. My parents are angry because I am often out for hours - meeting up with him (saying I'm with friends), when I should be looking for a job.